Posts Tagged ‘assertive behaviour’

The 12 Stress Less Days to Christmas: Day 5

December 17, 2012

Day #5: Wear Your Confidence Coat!

iStock_000008122926XSmallAs you add the required layers to ensure you’re warm enough this winter, make sure you’re also wearing your ‘Confidence Coat’ at the start of each day.

This isn’t about giving yourself an excuse to go shopping! It’s about making a conscious decision to give yourself an extra confidence boost so you’re more capable of dealing with the season’s additional pressures.


When we’re feeling confident, we have more energy, are able to deal with difficult situations more easily, and we improve our ability to be resilient.

Wearing your confidence coat will mean different things for each of us. For example, it might be about smiling more, or being more assertive.

In ‘Want more confidence in the workplace?’ I suggest a few ideas for building confidence. Or you might like to look at ‘Are you making the most of who you are?’ for more ideas and how to gain useful feedback to increase confidence levels.

How does your ‘confidence coat’ make you look to others?

Say “no” and be respected for it

February 17, 2011

28 Day Blog Challenge – Day 17

Sometimes it’s hard to say “no”. We may want to, and feel we have a right to, yet we still find ourselves saying “yes” or “OK” and taking on the associated pressures as a result.

I’m going to put this in the context of work, for this blog, but some of the principles / tips can equally be applied out of the workplace.

Under what circumstances might we need to say “no”?

  • we already have enough on our plate
  • we have other, higher priority jobs
  • what we’re being asked to do is not our job / responsibility
  • we are not qualified (or not insured) to do what’s being asked

Perhaps you can think of more to add to this list.

So we know we sometimes need to say no, but why don’t we?

  1. we don’t want to upset or offend the person asking
  2. we’re not sure how to say no positively
  3. we’re afraid of what people might think of us
  4. we are afraid of the response we’ll get
  5. we might not feel we have the right to say no
  6. we’re indecisive
  7. we’re tired / stressed and it’s easier (in the short term!) to say yes
  8. there’s a lack of confidence to say no

Perhaps you have a favourite from the list above? Or have other reasons?

In my role of coaching / training in the workplace, the most common reasons I come across are the top 3 on the list, and the 7th.

Being respected for saying no involves acknowledging your own feelings and rights, whilst responding respectfully to the other person. It involves being assertive, standing up for yourself whilst not attacking or blaming.

Here are some top tips on saying no and being respected for it …

Tip 1 – Smile! When you smile genuinely whilst saying no it’s showing the other person that there’s no malice intended and you are being respectful of them

Tip 2 – Acknowledge their request whilst respecting your own feelings

  • “I appreciate you’re under pressure, and want some help. I’ll be able to help you once I’ve finished this.”
  • “Thanks for thinking of me, but I already have ______ to do”.

Tip 3 – Delay Experience has shown that if you ask the person to come back later, they usually find a way to resolve their problem in the meantime.

  • “Now is not a good time for me. But I can do (this afternoon / tomorrow)”

Often people ask you to do something as a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to feeling unable to sort it themselves. They can sound as if they urgently need help, but beware that this could be their way of getting things done by proxy!

Tip 4 – Stand your ground Be consistent with your responses if they persistently keep asking

  • “As I said, I’m unable to help you now, but you’re welcome to try me again in about an hour”

Having worked in a highly stressful environment for many years I understand that saying “yes” can be a good way to help each other, develop team spirit etc. But we need to know where to draw the line. If you’re the one doing all the giving, and this isn’t reciprocated, it can lead to unnecessary pressure on you, which has a knock-on effect on your own productivity levels.

Have you any examples of how you say no to your colleagues?

Have you seen others in the workplace effectively say no?

(Photo courtesy of jscreationzs)