When generalisations are unhelpful

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a comment, such as ‘Women can’t read maps’?

Or ‘Men don’t listen’ …

And when was the last time you were the perpetrator of such a comment; e.g. …‘You never offer to help me with household jobs!’

Or ‘You’re always late!’ …

If you’re on the receiving end of such generalisations it can result in anger or frustration, and often a retaliatory comment.

But wait … Generalisations are a helpful way of making sense of the world.

As a child you would have been told the name of objects, such as door, spoon, ball, etc. … and then these labels would be given to other doors, spoons, balls, which were different but you’d work out that they shared common features. Then eventually you would be able to label other doors using this new found knowledge, without anyone telling you!

So our ability to generalise saves us from re-learning things over and over again.

It’s when we make generalisations about human behaviour that it can get us into trouble!

Some tips …

If you hear yourself making generalisations, listen out for the verbal clues that can accompany them.

For example: use of the following words … all, every, never, always…

• He/She never delivers a good presentation
• Every time I make a suggestion, you ignore it
• I always receive negative feedback when I try to introduce something new

This unhelpful language often limits us to take action, move forward, choose something different, and see the positive actions of others.

So, whenever  you hear yourself making general statements, ask yourself the following:

• What never? / Always? / Every time?
• How helpful is this statement to me?

Which unhelpful generalisations have you heard or made recently?

How have you dealt with generalisations directed at you?

 

Some women CAN read maps!

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a comment or inference that, because you’re a woman, you can’t read maps (or because you’re a man, you don’t listen), then you may understand the frustration and annoyance that goes with this kind of generalisation. (I actually happen to be very good at reading maps!)

Yes, men and women are different, and there are several books available to suggest reasons why. You may have your own favourite.

Such general statements come about as a result of our ability to make generalisations as we interact with the world around us. As a child, we learn labels for things in our immediate environment; door, chair, bed, shoes, etc. Initially, we assume that word represents that particular item only, until we come across other doors, shoes, chairs. Then we use this information to generalise. We quickly learn that ‘door’ could come in many forms and sizes.

Fortunately, the ability to generalise saves us from re-learning things over and over again. However, we need to err on the side of caution when making generalisations regarding human behaviour.

I recently overheard a comment that ALL drivers of a certain make of car were reckless and dangerous, after the person making the comment had been “cut up” by the driver of such a car. This type of statement gives an unhelpful label to such car owners, and can lead to further prejudice if not checked.

Tip

If you hear yourself making generalisations, listen out for the verbal clues that can accompany them. For example: use of the following words … all, every, never, always…

• He/She never delivers a good presentation
• Every time I make a suggestion, you ignore it
• I always receive negative feedback when I try to introduce something new

This unhelpful language often limits us to take action, move forward, choose something different, and see the positive actions of others.

So, whenever  you hear yourself making general statements, ask yourself the following:

• Never? / Always? / Every time?
• How helpful is this statement to me?

Which unhelpful generalisations have you heard / made recently?

I assume, therefore I am right!

28 Day Blog Challenge – Day 23

Yesterday I introduced the idea of making assumptions about situations, and shared with you my culinary disaster story.

Today I’m focusing on assumptions about people.

In coaching, it’s important that the coach asks the client clarification questions, to avoid assumptions being made about the client’s situation or thoughts. This is the case especially when a coach specialises in a particular area of personal development. For example, it would counter-productive for me to assume that when coaching one head teacher on leadership team development they face the same issues as another head teacher working on the same topic.

In the workplace there are many opportunities to make assumptions:

• assuming people have received / read messages
• assuming your line manager will be too busy (or won’t want) to speak to you
• assuming your colleague will be late again
• assuming you’ll make a mess of your presentation to the team

Sometimes it’s necessary to assume some things will always hold true, but not if they hold you (or others) back. Consider …

• How much weight your assumptions carry
• What else is possible if you don’t assume these things

As Alan Alda said: “Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

Last year, I worked with a team leader who used to be part of the team she is now leading. Much of what we discussed and resolved was how to tackle assumptions made by her team about her ability to do the role well. They had certain expectations of her based on their assumptions about her.

I leave you with 2 questions:

What are you assuming about others you work with?

What do you often assume about yourself which could be holding you back?

Would love to hear your thoughts about this topic.

Making assumptions and the balloon whisk

28 Day Blog Challenge – Day 22

I’ve recently taken to developing my culinary skills and bought the new Jamie Oliver “30 minute meals” cook book. The hope is to cook great meals in a shorter amount of time! So far, the recipes have proven to be very tasty and if I can get everything prepared before I start – I can get close to 30 minutes!

What helps you achieve the 30 minute deadline is the use of blenders, electric whisks, microwave and other electrical implements to cut down the preparation time. Last week I made a meal which involved using a food processor and various attachments.

Towards the end of the cooking time I had to whisk some ingredients that were heating in a wide pan. I assumed that I’d need the balloon whisk that attached to the food processor ….. how wrong could I have been.

Needless to say most of the contents of the pan ended up out of the pan and up the wall behind the cooker. In my haste, I hadn’t read the instructions carefully – it should have been a normal hand-held balloon whisk. I won’t be making that mistake again!

Why do we make assumptions?

Do we do it because it’s easier / quicker to assume something or someone will behave in a certain way?

Do we do it because experience has shown us that in most cases the pattern has been the same?

Have you ever made an assumption about a situation that has proven to be incorrect?

I think most of us would answer “yes” to the last question. We assume that because the traffic will be quieter at certain times of day, we allow less travelling time than if we thought it was busy. We assume that because our local Deli has our favourite cheese in every time we visit, it’ll be there for us when we need it for that special occasion.

What about assumptions about people and their behaviour?

More on this in tomorrow’s blog …